According to the best science we have, the universe appears to have been come into existence around 13.77 billion years ago. According to the best scientific theories we have, the universe will continue to exist for a long time: at least another 5 billion years, and possibly pretty much forever.According to the best information that I have, I was not alive from the start of the universe until very recently. I've been alive for 73.8 years (a little more if you count intrauterine existence). [Update: 78.2]

I expect to eventually be not alive for the rest of time, however long that is.I would welcome any surprises on that account, but I'm not counting on it. Based on history, I've been mostly dead. Though as Miracle Max tells us: "mostly dead is slightly alive."

Still, mostly dead and currently alive makes me one of the lucky ones. Entirely dead is normal. Any amount of alive is an exception. Consciousness is even rarer. Self-reflective consciousness rarest of all.I am one of the lucky ones. I am alive right now against all odds. I am conscious, against more odds. And I can examine my consciousness.

You are alive.

You are alive and conscious, too, on the reasonable assumption that you are reading this.And I am grateful and thankful for all of that--that I am alive, and someone is reading this. This is the season of gratitude and thanksgiving and Thanksgiving, and I am all of those.Thankful to who? Or Who? Or Whom?I don't know. I'm not a conventional believer-in-God. But it seems dickish when you discover you've got something unasked-for and pretty much undeserved not to want to say thanks. And I try not to be a dick.Some lives suck, and I can imagine lives so sucky that they are not worth living. But I think few lives are that terrible (and then, most times, they can be ended). There have been periods when I have (stupidly) hoped for my existence to end. There have been periods when I have (stupidly) thought about helping the process along. I remember when the thought that stood between me and the next step toward killing myself was "it would set a bad example for my kids." I remember when the thought was, "I don't have enough life insurance to kill myself, and it would be irresponsible."Of course, that's overly dramatic. If I got rid of those thoughts, I'm pretty sure that my next step would not have been to off myself but to invent another blocking thought. Because I've never really wanted to die. Otherwise, I expect, I'd already be dead.

How it started

Once upon a time, there were millions of sperms swimming like crazy to get to that one beautiful egg.I was that lucky sperm. I don't remember it, but that must have been me. I probably wasn't the fastest. I don't think I was the smartest. But I was good enough and lucky enough, and here I am!

I had one shot, and I took it.When I say "one shot," I'm not talking about one shot at fame or riches, or enlightenment or whatever you are going for. As long as you are alive, you get a lot of shots. Every time a door closes, another one opens, and all that.No, I'm talking about life. This is the only one I have. This is my one shot.I am one of the lucky ones. I am grateful and thankful for the very fact of my existence.And I don't know about you, but at I am like that little sperm I once was, still moving forward.And I am not throwing away my shot!